I have blogged this on my Multiply to share with my close friends, but I think now, I'm ready to share it with the world.
In my whole 26 years of my life, I keep asking myself, what is my purpose in life? What is my goal? What is my motive for living in this world? The answer never came to me. In fact, if it did, it came to me through little teeny bits and pieces of other people's lives. You learn and get influenced through your friends, your relatives and everybody around you. They say that this is good for you, that is bad for you... and you listened. You listened attentively and followed suit with every single advice given. You climbed up the ladder only to reach a tunnel where there is no light at the end. You climbed up the ladder for the sake of climbing up the ladder and force yourself to accept that purpose in life. To make those around you and close to your heart happy. To make them realise the fact that you are well-worth it and can handle the job so pain-stakingly handed to you. (They meant well. No doubt about that. And I thank them with all my heart.) So you keep on walking and walking and walking, but at the end of the day you hit "The Wall". Are you going to climb over that wall? Or are you going to turn around and keep on walking the same dark path you have been taking every single day? You see, I was that girl. The girl who have been walking and climbing every single day, only to be frustrated at myself for being clueless in search for that light at the end of the tunnel. I just don't see it. Suddenly it dawned upon me that if the opportunity arose, would I be courageous enough to climb over "That Wall"? AND I FINALLY DID.
Let me get to the point. After graduation, I worked in a bank and gained enough experience to climb up. Then a superb opportunity arose when I landed a job through referral in a huge MNC. In one year, my pay increased through good performance. I was flying high. However, monetary gains did not cloud my eyes. I was still searching for what I thought could give me job satisfaction and fulfillment. And this stressful job is NOT it. I go home stressed every single day. Sometimes to the verge of crying and bawling out to my husband (who is a very understanding guy). Everyday my mood was dampened, everyday I sulked and had this feeling of depression, as low as any heart could go. I go to bed everynight with a dreadfully heavy sigh. Only to wake up the next morning and go through the same dreary monotonous shit (aka walking that path to that wall) all over again. I start to question myself,"Do I want to obediently work a 9 to 5 job only to become a Big Boss with a 9 to 9 job in the future and struggle my way to retirement which I will not even know of my life expectancy?" I keep on telling myself, just do it for the money! You will never get this salary anywhere else! Enjoy the things you can buy with all the money! Soon, it became like a routine. I was in a box I could not step out of.
So one day, I asked myself. I asked my heart and did some soul searching. Am I WILLING to give up this job, take the risk and plunge into a totally different line. A new beginning. A new start. And the answer is YES. I did some research on childcare education, a course of life I have always wanted to dive into but did not have the guts to. I went online, took down notes, went for childhood education seminars, read up brochures, asked friends, to learn more about this line. And i got my answer. I went for a second interview today and got a job as an early childhood educator apprentice as well as take up a diploma teaching course at the same time (fully sponsored by the childcare centre provider) and the pay is based on my degree, which is not bad at all! Who cares if it is 2/3 of what I am earning now? A job in which i know I am interested in, and a job which I know I can find peace and fulfillment and satisfaction in my life. A job which I know will pique my interest to the best of my ability. So that now, I can come home smiling, happy and ultimately fulfilled.
Next month, my hubby will also start his Retail Diploma course and together, i will start my childhood diploma course end of this month. Both us SheZai will be going back to school la!!! We'll be back to the ol' skool days of BF~GF romance, holding hands. Haha! Since both of us do not own a car yet (or even license for that matter), do not own a house yet, do not have any children yet, I'd rather take the plunge now when the time is right rather than look back 10 years down the road and regret Not making this move.
Am I pure silly or just brave? I think the latter.
Five simple rules for Happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less
P/S: And Mima, It's not that, hehehe! But if it was, you'll be one of the firsts to know ok!
P/S: And Jihan, Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
P/S: And Honey, You are the most understanding and loving husband a wife could ever ask for. Can't wait for our Bali Honeymoon this week! Let's unwind...... *kisses*